I educated my children this weekend...

I thought my kids needed a little culture this weekend, so I introduced them to the television I watched at their age. This DVD I found at the library made it easy to do.

I was a big fan of Land of the Lost (and I thought Sigmund and the Sea Monsters was pretty good too). I used to set a timer so that I could play outside during H.R. Pufnstuf and make it back in for Land of the Lost. And what was I playing out in the yard while waiting for Land of the Lost? Land of the Lost, of course.

This particular DVD has all the pilot episodes of these shows, which are probably even more terrible than the average show in each of these series. Land of the Lost's pilot was pretty horrible, lacking Sleestaks (SO SCARY) and any sign of good acting. Will's open shirt and gold necklace made me laugh, and what was up with Holly's enormous front teeth? She could barely talk around those!

When I told my mom that I thought the episode I watched was really bad, she said, "Now you see what we went through when we had to watch that stuff with you!" In my memory, though, that show was great. I'm still hoping that I can find another episode of the show that includes better acting and some sense of scale involving the dinosaurs. That's probably not going to happen.

Still, when I told The Girl that I used to play Land of the Lost in the backyard, she wanted to do just that as soon as the episode was over. Even The Boy joined us to act as Grumpy the "Tyrnanasore" for a few minutes. Classic.

If you have no idea what the original Land of the Lost show even was, or if you just want to check out great 70's television, click below.

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Because I am curious, I just visited the wikipedia page for Land of the Lost and learned lots of interesting things. When it started, I was only three, so I'm thinking I probably mostly watched the show in reruns. They used the rerun the hell out of shows, didn't they?

Anyway, that is all. Hope you all dream of fake dinosaurs and ssssscary Sleestaks tonight!

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Holy cow! I forgot about THIS Sid & Marty Krofft classic!

I'm pretty sure I was Dyna Girl for Halloween one year.

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Boredom, Thy Name is Baseball

Little Sister dies from boredom during the 5th inning of big brother's game. Keep in mind that she had fairy dolls, markers with paper, a DSI, and my tablet (with three versions of Angry Birds and various other games) to keep her busy.

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Cup #5/Why Walgreens doesn't suck as much as I thought

"Roses are red

Apples are too

Most urine is yellow

But mine is often BLUE!"

This week's cup credit goes to my aunt, Jan Fender. People were sending me funny things to say but most of them centered on the idea that urine is yellow. But the pain medications I take makes mine varying shades of blue. You'll have to take my word for the fact that this week's sample lived up to this rhyme quite nicely. 

I have one more week of instillations and then I will take a few weeks off before returning to discuss the current state of affairs with my urologist. I've been feeling pretty good as long as I keep taking the pain meds regularly. 

Speaking of pain meds, I owe Walgreens an apology for every evil thought I've sent their way since they starting having all phone calls go through that damn call center. Well, actually, I can still hate on Walgreens for that, but I have mad props for a pharmacy tech named Alicia, who is picking up my old pain pills (Prosed) from another Walgreens on her way home from school tonight. It seems that the meds that work best for me are on back order, so I've been trying Uribel (what a dumb name) and I've discovered that it makes me drowsy and dry-mouthed. I can handle the latter, but not the former. I'm taking three medicines that all have the side effect of making me tired. I don't have time for tired!

So Alicia got on the phone and tried to find out what is going on. It turns out that Prosed won't be available until December 16. But a Walgreens in a neighboring town has some left, and it's somewhat near where she goes to school at night, so she's going to get me some to get me through until the manufacturers get their crap together and make my pills. I'll have them tomorrow, and Alicia will have some chocolate as a thank you because she completely rocks. Which is more than I can say for the crabby pharmacist at the same Walgreens, who couldn't be bothered to help me try to figure out what medicines were more likely to be equivalent and available to begin with. 

Wait, did I just start hating on Walgreens again? Sorry. 

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, read about my bladder disease here. 

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Rule of the Day

If your skirt is shorter than your boots are long, you should not be walking through an elementary school.

Cup of the Week

On week 4 of my instillations, I didn't have anything really clever to say. Actually, I kind of did... I was going to say "Urine for a treat! I brought donuts. (They are not in this bathroom. You're welcome!)" but my nurse saw me come in with the donuts and she took them and put them in the break room so... PFFT. So here's this week's cup:

It says, "Urine for a treat (donuts) and a trick (you have to deal with my pee). Happy Halloween!"

I'm totally stumped for next week. I can't use any "yellow pee" jokes (I've had several good ones submitted) because most of the time, the medicine makes my urine various shades of blue (which is totally amusing in and of itself, actually). I can't think of any new ways to use "urine" cleverly. I need some serious inspiration for the last two weeks of treatment. Heaven help me if I'm one of those people who needs to do this all the time. I'm just not funny enough for that.

So, help me out here! Give me something to work with! 

If you have no idea what this is all about, click here. 

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There are some tips you just don't need.

The other day I had nothing to read and I wanted to soak in a bath. Husband was going to the store, so I asked him to get me a trashy magazine like Cosmo. 

Husband: I got you a Cosmo like you asked.

Me: Great, thanks.

Husband: It has Nicki Minaj on the cover. I'm guessing it's filled with her sex tips. Let me know what they are.

Me: If they are Nicki Minaj's sex tips, I'm pretty sure you don't want to know them.

Husband: That's probably true.

After leafing through the issue, I've come to realize that I've outgrown Cosmo, and also that it's basically soft-core porn that you can buy in the grocery store.

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It's that time again.

After taking a week off from my bladder treatments in order to go out of town for work, I returned to the doctor's office today. Therefore, I present my latest urine sample cup, which elicited a laugh-out-loud response from my nurse. I am not sure how I can top this one next week.

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I'm always thinking about you guys.

While out of town recently, I stayed in a hotel full of Pentecostals going to a convention. They dressed up every day, making me often the only one in the lobby wearing jeans. One day they came back and many of them had fancy up-dos. This particular woman came in and sat down with what can only be described as a rat's nest with a bow in it, and I kid you not, a guy said, "Oh, I love your hair!" 

After I recovered from my astonishment, I immediately started calculating whether I could get a picture of this woman for this blog. I figured that any shutter sound would be my downfall, since these people were devoutly religious but not stupid technophobes. With some experimenting, I determined that if I turned the volume down on my phone, it did not click. Excellent!

So, I held my phone up and pretended to closely examine some phantom text. I took this picture and continued to look at it for another minute to mask any suspicions. There were none. So now I give you this:

You're welcome.

And now I'm going to Hell.

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Sometimes all you need for your Sunday night entertainment...

...is to skim through the subject lines in your spam filter. Did you know I can get a penis hard enough to break an egg? (My husband recommends not pursuing that option.) I can also become the "sex magnet of my neighborhood." I vote no on this one because I've seen my neighbors and I don't want to attract any of them.

So I'm not buying anything, but I'm having a laugh while looking. Check your spam filter and tell me what your best subject line is!

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The person that invented white baseball pants in small boys' sizes...

...was either the owner of Oxyclean or a total asshole.

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This week's crazy cup

I had something else in mind but this hit me in the car on the way there. You can only use "electric boogaloo" along with the number 2, so I pretty much HAD to use it this week. Next week I'm out of town, and then I'm back doing four more of these fun treatments. Keep sharing your ideas for amusing sayings to put on my urine sample cups!

*****If you have no idea what I'm talking about, click here. 

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The best thing I've heard so far today...

..."Here's a free chicken biscuit with your nuggets, ma'am."

I love you, Chick-fil-a!

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I've got the willies

There are few things that make you wig out more* than standing in a pet store and choosing which is the best bag full of crickets to buy. I could TOTALLY feel them crawling all over me while I was trying to choose ones that were small enough to fit in our rescued House Gecko's mouth. We'll be releasing him into the wilds of our front porch before I have to buy another batch. Since I have already had to catch one escapee with my bare hands, I'm really not sorry about this.

*OK, there are definitely creepier things than this, but still. STILL.

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Things that are harder to do now than they used to be

#264 Getting up off the floor

Damn it.

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And so it begins

Last Thursday, I had my first "installation," during which a thankfully very nice nurse filled my bladder with various medicines to hopefully reduce the pain and other symptoms of Interstitial Cystitis. I'm not usually nervous about medical procedures but I've had a bad experience or two with a catheter so I was really sweating it. Fortunately, it wasn't too bad. I only got tears in my eyes once and levitated off the table twice, so really, it wasn't awful (clearly I have low standards in this regard).

Because I'm me, I like to write clever things or draw pictures on my urine sample cups. Having to come up with six weeks of clever is a bit challenging. Above is cup #1, written rather poorly because my hand was shaking. Suggestions are welcome!

Hopefully next time I'll be a little calmer.

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NONONONONONONO

This cat has learned something from two-year-olds.

Also... freaky.

NONONONO Cat - YouTube:

'via Blog this'

Photoshop help

Genius!

Photoshop help:

'via Blog this'

This ought to be fun!

So tomorrow someone's going to inject my painful bladder full of medicine, which is most likely going to hurt like a son of a bitch, with the idea that eventually I won't have any pain at all. And I'm going to do this at least six times over the coming weeks. This plan is either brilliant or ridiculously stupid. I'll let you know when I figure out which.

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If some stranger has to deal with your pee...

...the least you can do is put a smiley face on the urine sample cup. 

I took this picture for you BEFORE I filled this with pee. You're welcome. 

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My husband worked overnight last night...

...and I'm pretty sure I've said "SHHH!" over 200 times in the first two hours of this day. Also, I have a headache.

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If it weren't for McDonald's discount Happy Meals on Tuesdays and Thursdays...

...I might never know what day it is.

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Found this on my door this morning...

I found this Merry Maids advertisement hanging on my door this morning and now I'm afraid that someone has x-ray vision.

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What I have learned from this website...

Celebs With No Eyebrows:
'via Blog this'

...is that eyebrows are a very important part of looking human. Also, you can find the strangest things on the internet.



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This is the nicest public restroom I've ever seen.

And I've seen A LOT of public restrooms. Yesterday while running a few errands for two hours I had to pee in my son's occupational therapist's office (that one's nice too) and the one in Best Buy (where no one seems to know how to flush the toilet). This one in my health food store is for sure the fanciest I've ever found in a retail establishment.

You should have seen me backing out into the store in order to take this picture. Thankfully, no one was around or I would have felt the need to explain. "I really like this bathroom...." Yeah, that's not strange.

Maybe I'll start taking pictures of every public bathroom I visit. I could make a coffee table book of bathrooms and start profiting off my bladder disease. It might work, right?

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Clothing choice gone wrong

A few weeks ago, I walked through the parking lot of Target behind a woman with an exceptionally large behind. Now, the size of her behind, though exceptional, was not worth blogging about. Many people have ample behinds, and no one cares. But how she adorned it, now THAT had me wishing I could get out my camera.

First of all, she had elected to wear white pants that appeared to be a second skin. Now, I don't even own white skintight pants, but if I did, I think I would wear them with a long shirt that covered my behind. But let's give this woman the benefit of the doubt. Let's say that maybe these are her most comfy pair of pants, and maybe she doesn't own a long shirt. I'll let all of that go. But here's the kicker:

She was wearing a leopard print thong underneath.

I don't care who you are, you've got more than one pair of undies. And even if the thong is the only clean pair, in this situation, you either choose the white pants or you wear the thong. Under no circumstances is it OK to wear essentially see-through pants and very obvious underwear. I realize that I am horribly unfashionable, but even I know this. It is like a clothing LAW.

I tried my hardest to draw this phenomenon for you, but I failed miserably. Fortunately, Google was my friend and I discovered this blog entry. The first photo gives you the idea, but you have to imagine the leopard print on the thong. Enjoy!

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