Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Letter of the Moment: To the Maker of Chex Mix

Dear Mr. or Ms. Chex,

No one likes the pretzels in Chex Mix. No one. Some people might eat the pretzels just because they are in the bag with other tasty treats, but they don't actually enjoy the experience. The rest of us pick out the good stuff and slide the pretzels back in the bag for the next unsuspecting snacker.

This is true no matter what shape you twist your favorite little crunchy bread products into. You think you can include more pretzels if you make them into different shapes. You are wrong. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER THEY ARE "O" SHAPED OR MADE INTO FUNKY WINDOW SQUARE THINGOS, THEY STILL TASTE LIKE UNDERSEASONED CARDBOARD.

                                            The Girl's recent Chex Mix refuse.

Please reconsider your excessive and unnecessary use of pretzels in an otherwise tasty treat. If not, your mailbox might soon be overflowing with circles and window square thingos. And probably ants. And maybe someone's finger, but you didn't hear that from me.




Monday, November 29, 2010

Your Pillow Pet Will Not Successfully Serve as a Barf Bag

Lesson of the Day: If a little boy needs to vomit, doing so directly into a Pillow Pet will not contain the mess, as one might assume. Instead it will create highly pressurized vomit streams that will travel great distances, as well as spray back into face, eyes, and hair. This is not a desirable situation, particularly in a car.

It makes sense that, in "pet form," a Pillow Pet would not make a good barf bag. He lacks a good surface for catching spew. But what about a Pillow Pet in PILLOW form?


"It's a pillow. It's a pet. It's a Pillow Pet!*"

*Pillow Pets are not vomit receptacles. Barf with care.    

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Welcome to My Rainy World

Naming a blog is hard.

I know that sounds stupid, but, for me, naming this blog was an evolution, a path toward crystallizing how this collection of writings, drawings, and more will entertain you, and how it might make you think and feel. My first idea was to go with the utterly pompous title of “Life as I Know It” or “As I See It,” or some other self-important moniker. I googled those ideas and found out that they were, quite fortunately, in retrospect, already taken.

Then I got the idea of “The Naked Life,” thinking that it would describe a blog about life stripped down, exposed, and un-sugar coated. I also thought it sounded really cool. So I googled that.

I don’t recommend that you do that.

How I thought I could use the word “naked” on the internet without being wrapped up in the nudist lifestyle or porn industry, I honestly don’t know. I guess I still have some vestiges of innocence left. I’ll work on eradicating them, post haste.

Then I read this quote for the first time and it applies to my life so perfectly that I knew I had to adapt it for this blog in some way. The quote, which is apparently well-known but unfortunately anonymous, is:

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

I’m embarrassed to say that my introduction to this quote was on facebook (I’m so classy). But as someone who has been hailed on by life lately, it represents for me a different way of looking at things. A way filled with more enjoyment and less slogging through.

As a professional writer, I avoid anonymous quotes like a written plague. I always want to credit people for their hard work and fantastic ideas. Plus I don’t want to steal anything. But I can’t find a source for that great saying anywhere.

I googled “dance in the rain” and variations. Some were available and some weren’t. But I was still snagged by the feeling of idea theft. Something was off.

And then I thought about what I like to do more than anything, pretty much. And that’s laugh. I like funny movies, funny people, and particularly, funny, edgy writing. Surprise me and make me laugh? I like you. Surprise me and make me laugh a lot? I might love you.

So, Laughing in the Rain (someone snagged that title before I posted this, damn it!) "Laughing at the Rain" was born. It’s my little “screw you” to the problems that plague me. And, maybe, it’ll be your “screw you” too. Come here to leave your troubles for a few minutes and laugh at mine.