Thursday, March 17, 2011

Brenna’s Bitchin’ Beauty Bits

I'm no fashion guru, but recently I've stumbled upon a few beauty tips I'd like to share:

  • If your lips are excessively asymmetrical, you should avoid wearing sparkly purple lipstick. It accentuates the flaw, making you look like a freaky piece of art or someone who has had a catastrophic illness. (If you did survive a catastrophic illness, wear whatever color lipstick you damn well please. I’m totally behind that.)

  • Certain clothing is not appropriate in particular situations. For example, when picking up your child from school, your belly should not be exposed for any reason. This is the case for clothing that intentionally bares your midriff as well as shirts that simply don’t contain your gut. Your children will thank you for covering up, as will the rest of the parents in the pick-up line. This rule applies even if you look smokin’ hot in your half-shirt. Both of you make the rest of us feel bad. 
  • Using a blow dryer and a curling iron does not guarantee that your hair will look good. "Windshield" is not a good look. Check the results in a mirror before you leave your home. It’ll cut down on the “what the hell happened to her head” looks you get during the day.
  • More isn't always better.
  • If there is a noticeable difference between the color of your face and that of your neck, you’re doing it wrong. The “my head has been photoshopped onto someone else’s body” look is not what you are going for. Unless it is; if so, then carry on. 
Have a Bitchin' Beauty Bit to share? Add it in the comments, please! Think of it as a community service announcement. Everyone benefits!

Search for ANYTHING! <--Use this link to search for whatever you need. 


  1. No one -- NO ONE -- looks good in spandex. If you think you do, just go naked instead (you might as well anyway) and enjoy the breeze.

  2. this was a good way to start thursday morning....=)

    i was about to wear my purple lipstick, belly baring outfit today,but NO MORE!

    no one should be seen in public in baby doll dresses. especially if wearer's breasts have traveled significantly south.

  3. Sally - HA! Very true. I can tell you FOR SURE that spandex and I aren't friends. :)

    Elizabeth - Glad you stopped by! Re: baby doll dresses with traveling breasts, this is an excellent point. If there is a danger of your breasts escaping out of the bottom of your dress, you need to make other arrangements. :)