After sharing yesterday's facts-of-life discussion with my son, I thought this would be a great time to post my first ever "behind the jump" blog entry. That's right; if you want to read the whole story, you'll have to click the "read more" link below. This will allow those allergic to reading the word "vagina" to avoid using their epi-pen.
(If you came directly to this page, you won't see a "read more" link. You'll see the post below with the dreaded V-word in it. Close your browser now if you are feeling queasy. Otherwise, read on.)
I recently had a discussion with my four-year-old daughter in which she, once again, expressed her disappointment in not having a penis. She really wants to emulate her older brother, particularly in the ability to pee while standing up. We discussed the fact that, while that is a handy skill, it’s very good to be a girl too.
After finishing that conversation, I started thinking about the value of the vagina. So, ladies, I thought I’d list some of the not-safe-for-four-year-old virtues of having a va-jay-jay:
1. It allows you to entertain others with interesting and surprising noises during yoga.
2. It affords you the opportunity to bear children, which automatically ups your value in those philosophical survival-of-the-species games (“If you could only send five of us to another planet to continue the human race after Earth is destroyed…”).
3. It gives you a certain degree of power over men who wish to have access to said vagina (or so I’m told).
4. It allows you to make a tax-free, although likely meth-addicted, living that requires no pesky education or extensive training.
5. It’s a handy place to store things that you don’t want discovered during an airport “enhanced pat down” and/or police frisking.
Can you think of more ways a vagina can be handy? Share your ideas in the comments section. (I suspect I may regret suggesting this.)