Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Eight True Facts

  1. One filament of rabbit hair on a contact lens renders the wearer completely disabled.
  2. Everything is better with extra fudge.*
  3. Self-closing hatches on SUVs are far less awesome than they sound (and significantly more painful).
  4. If you are going to walk naked through your empty house to get your clothes from the laundry room, you had better be sure that your dog hasn't opened the blinds for you.
  5. The excitement you will feel when your preschooler finally learns how to spit out the toothpaste at the end of a brushing session will fade as you realize that your kid’s aim sucks, necessitating an extra 1,154 hours of cleaning time each year. Give or take.
  6. The same can be said for the joy of successful potty training, especially with boys.
  7. Floridians freeze in fairly mild weather because we only own two sweaters and they are both still dirty after that cold snap we had last year.
  8. Toys that poop are much more popular with children than with their parents.

*Buy someone chocolate for Christmas. Hell, buy ME chocolate for Christmas!

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