In October, I left my mom-life behind for a five day trip to work at a prestigious dog agility event. Here are some of my pre-trip expectations and how they panned out:
Prediction: 0% chance that a small person would wake me at 2am needing sheets adjusted or changed, a drink of water, or a stern talking-to.
Reality: True! What a joy it was to sleep unfettered by parental responsibility!
Prediction: 75% chance I’d be awakened at 5am by some asshole who doesn’t know how to close a hotel room door quietly.
Reality: Wrong! I heard nothing during the short naps I referred to as a night’ sleep. I think I was in a coma, but maybe this hotel actually had lots of awesomely responsible and caring guests. It was also probably helpful that my room was about two miles from the elevator, and similarly far from the stairs (hooray for big hotels!).
Prediction: 99% chance that my hotel would have bed bugs, since they really, really freak me out.
Reality: No bugs! Yay! It doesn’t even matter to me that my room was not cleaned regularly and some trash left over by the previous guests stayed on the floor in the corner for the entire time. See how great low expectations can be?
Prediction: 97% chance that I would not have to wipe anyone else’s butt. (Note that I didn’t say 100%, because my life is sometimes very weird.)
Reality: Thankfully, there was no extraneous butt-wiping required.
Prediction: 75% chance that I would step in dog poop at least once during my visit to a five-day-long dog show, effectively filling my apparent need for frequent poop-related experiences.
Reality: I encountered no errant poop on my trip. The end of the world must be near!
Prediction: 100% chance that something work-related would go colossally wrong.
Reality: Yep. Big events are like that.
Prediction: 100% chance that whatever went wrong would be blown out of proportion and would make people I didn’t know exceptionally mad at me.
Reality: Yep again. People get really worked up over things that, in the big scheme of life, aren’t all that big of a deal. Myself included, I’m sure. As someone said to me regarding the event, “No small children were harmed because of this situation.” I would have kissed her, but that’s hard to do over the internet.
Prediction: 95% chance nothing would go wrong back at home. I left schedules and instructions, plus my husband is very responsible.
Reality: Wrong! In a freak combination of circumstances, one of my dogs spent several minutes attempting to destuff my live, champion show rabbit. He’s OK but missing a lot of hair. Yikes!
Prediction: 100% chance that no one on-site would call me “Mom.”
Reality: True. And boo on that. I missed them all.