Til death do us part

The Girl just came back from a one night sleep over with her cousin at my mom's house. It didn't go well, with the girls disagreeing on everything. The Girl is in a "cry at least once a day" phase, so this didn't help. I asked her about it when we got in the car together, post-sleep over.

Me: Did you have a fun time?

The Girl: Well, not really. I was missing you.

Me: Oh honey, but you know I was so nearby and we talked on the phone and everything. I'll always be there for you to come home to.

The Boy: Well, until you die.

Me: Son, honestly! Hush!

The Boy: Hey, it's the truth.

Me: OK, but maybe we don't need so much truth right now.

Good thing I had told him ahead of time that she was tired and needed us to be extra nice to her when we picked her up.

Brilliantly Sarcastic Responses To Completely Well-Meaning Signs | Happy Place

Funny people are everywhere! Thank goodness some of them don't mind defacing other people's property :)

Brilliantly Sarcastic Responses To Completely Well-Meaning Signs | Happy Place

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ANTAGONISTS!!!

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Why can't I walk around with this phone?

The Girl can not understand the concept of a corded phone. This afternoon, despite repeated warnings that she could not walk around her gram's house while talking on that phone, she still attempted to do so. I'm thinking that if I tried to teach her about party lines, her head would explode.

Wait until I tell her how we used to have to get up to change the TV channel....

(Ancient artifact-------------------------->)

Germville

This girl just came out of a bounce house at Gator Fred's with her face covered in snot and I feel like I'm now seeing my future.




(I should just buy my own and avoid germville, but I doubt it will be the same.-->)

You are too stupid to work electronics

Every time I press print and get an "output tray closed" message I feel like my computer is really saying, "You're an idiot."

It's too early in the morning for smug electronic devices.



(I want one of these. I'm sure it'll be nice to me. Right? ---->)

Quote of the day #2

Husband, while coaching his first preschool basketball game, played by three-and-four-year-olds who had never done anything like this before:

"OH MY GOSH, this is like herding cats!"

Quote of the day #1

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It's not even 9am...

...and I've already heard what will surely be the quote of the day:

"There are no time-outs in butt-touching!"

Search Amazon.com for butts (HA!)

This is one of the funniest things I've read on the internet in a long time

I've got tears running down my face and my stomach is all knotted up weird. Totally awesome!

And that’s why you should learn to pick your battles. — TheBloggess.com

When dogs attack... sprinklers!

I used to have a dog that went ape nuts over the sprinkler and hose. I think I need to get a new sprinkler and see if Mr. Beagle or Spark the Papillon would enjoy it. The Whippet thinks water is ridiculous, but you never know, the other two might be game.

Oh, wait. I just remembered that Mr. Beagle won't even walk across my back porch when it is damp, and he treats puddles like acid. So, you know, maybe not.

Dogs Vs. Sprinklers: Pics, Videos, Links, News

There's not room for two of us

One of the lifeguards at my Y is named "Brenna." I'm working on getting her fired because I'm the only "Brenna" I know and I'd like to keep it that way.

(Of course-------------------------------------->)

This is really disturbing

I honestly don't understand some people. But I guess you can dance to it.

YouTube - I Am Your Grandma


Read Parental Non Sequitur

Search Amazon.com for music downloads that don't suck like this one does.

Parental Non Sequitur

"This is my second-to-last song so please leave the blinds alone."

I swear it made sense in context.


(New Paramore song---------->)

Every child everywhere asks this at some point

The Girl: When is kid's day? You know, when kids get a bunch of gifts. Maybe like Kid's Week....

Me [laughing like crazy]: I'm going to tell you what my parents told me when I asked this question when I was a kid: every day is kid's day.

The Girl: Nuh-uh!

Me: Yes, plus you have birthdays and Easter and Christmas....

My mom: Also, I buy you stuff all the time just because.

Me: Yeah. Exactly.


The Girl had no counter argument.  This time.


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Not an iPhone

I just realized that when I email from my phone, you can't tell that I'm emailing from my phone. There's no "Sent from my Samsung Intercept" mention at the bottom of my messages. Without that, how are people supposed to know that I'm so dedicated to my work that I email back from Chick-Fil-A's play area?

My phone is so humble.

Too close for comfort

I think I would have had to take the baby and leave after I realized that the Lioness's wide-open mouth could easily swallow up this kid's head. Freaky.

YouTube - Lioness tries to eat baby at the zoo.

N

The Girl has been looking at this lift-the-flap book that has all the states and their capitals in pretty colored pictures. She's had Husband and me read it to her a time or two.

Recently, Husband opened the book and asked The Girl, "What's the capital of Nebraska?" Without missing a beat, The Girl replied, "N."

She might have a future as a comedian. Also, she totally doesn't get that book.

Search Amazon.com for books for kids

Enjoy

The Girl just wrote her ABCs out on a piece of paper as part of the "homework" my mom gave her. (The Girl's been out of school two weeks and is missing it, I think. She's the complete opposite of her older brother.)

When the assignment was complete, she walked into the room and handed me her piece of paper. As she was walking away she said, over her shoulder, "Here, I'm done. Enjoy!"

Hmm. I guess I will. And you can too.

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This is why I love the Internet

I've been lamenting the fact that my healthy oatmeal cookie recipe is better before baking, particularly since the kids love the dough but won't even eat the cookies. I started wondering about whether I could just make the dough sans egg and forget baking it altogether. So I googled the idea and behold:

Cookie Dough That's Safe to Eat ~ Cupcake Project

Obviously, my idea wasn't original, but that's totally OK because I'm eating my healthy oatmeal cookie dough right now and it's delicious.

Search Amazon.com for anything you want!

It takes all kinds...

I know a thing or two (or 100) about fandoms, but this one really surprised me. I was originally going to just make some serious fun of it (it's so easy), but really, who needs that? I don't understand these guys' fascination for this show but you know what? I'm glad they're having fun. Maybe I'll sit down with The Girl and see what it's all about.

(Probably not, though.)

My Little Pony Corrals Unlikely Fanboys Known as ‘Bronies’ | Underwire | Wired.com

A loving goodnight

On his way to bed last night, The Boy shouted "goodnight" to his sister.

Boy: Goodnight, Butt Butt!


Girl: Goodnight, Poop Diarrhea!

We're the freakin' Waltons, I'm telling you.

Some people have a very high opinion of themselves

I love it when people say, "I'd tap that," in regards to someone who is good looking or famous. As if "that" would ever have anything to do with them. Honestly.

My brain is old

I suck, suck, suck at these games. I was feeling really good about myself during my second try but I only came in 10 years younger, which was still older than my actual age.

I'm going to blame it on being tired. What's your excuse?

Free Brain Age Games

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You have to watch these elephant babies bathe (NOW WITH MORE BATHING!)

You know you are looking for some work distractions this morning. Check out these adorable elephant babies! I particularly like how the little one falls back into the pool. So awesome! Read the info too; it's interesting that the pools only last for five baths. I guess that makes sense when you are talking about 2000 pounds of elephant rolling around in something inflatable.

Edited to add: Found this one of the older elephant in the above video on his first ever experience with a pool. He's only two weeks old in this video, which should make mothers everywhere cringe in horror. But he's adorable!

(How about this for the perfect ad to go with this post? HA!------------->)

The beach has nothing on her

On Sunday, I walked a tired, whiny four-year-old down to the beach during our weekend vacation while listening to her complain about wanting to go back to the hotel room. I knew that she didn’t really want to go back to the room. She was mimicking her brother, who had just spent the last 20 minutes trying to get me to take him back there. (Please don’t think I tortured my children with endless beach. It was only 10am. The Boy had a thirty minute period in which he could not convince anyone to do exactly what he wanted to do, and that made him grouchy.) He had finally given up and went back to having fun and then she started in as we walked down the ramp to the beach. Here’s a part of the conversation, minus a good chunk of the whine:

Girl: I want to go back to the room. I want to go back to the room. I want to go back to the room!

Me: Oh, come on. We’re at the beach! Look around. It’s beautiful!

Girl [With her most scrunched-up nose and furious eyes]: There is NOTHING beautiful around here except ME!

Me:

Me: Wow.

And then we went to play in the sand. 

Princesses are so versatile

This appears to be a collection of princesses and a horse having a polite conversation. Instead, these are Mario characters about to battle Bowser to save Princess Daisy. Apparently.

Have you read Circles and Circles and Circles Again?