Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Maybe this will save my TV

The Girl is currently doing rhythmic gymnastics with the "ribbon" I made for her from a pencil, a long piece of yarn, and some tape. This sounds really creative on my part but really, I came up with the ribbon idea during the Olympics when her attempts at doing rhythmic gymnastics with a hula hoop nearly wrecked everything I own. Necessity is the mother of invention, right?

Her first routine was to Call Me Maybe.  I gave it an 8 out of 10.


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Saturday, July 21, 2012

The Banana Song

My daughter has suggested that this (very excellent) Marina and the Diamonds' song be renamed "The Banana Song." Can you guess why?

Also, Marina is hella cute, and her lyrics are smart, funny, and ironic too. That is all.
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Thursday, July 5, 2012

Good one!

Yesterday, like every day this summer, I was arguing with The Boy about wearing sunscreen. He's got some sensory issues and hates the application of sunscreen, particularly to his face, neck, and ears. Recently I got sunburned myself because I was busy applying the kids' lotion and then I sent them off to the pool and haphazardly sprayed my own back. I had stripes of non-burned skin where the spray had saturated surrounded by red areas. As a twitter friend of mine, @revfridge, said, sunscreen is SO literal.

Anyway, since my children have never really been sunburned, I used my artistically striped back as a lesson, showing them what it looks like to be burned and describing that it hurt. So, when the latest go-round of "Why do I have to wear sunscreen" started, I told my little 8-year-old darling, "You should see my back; it’s still in pain." And he replied:

"You should see my butt, because you’re a pain in it."

Husband and I were stunned silent for a moment, and then I said:

"I gotta say, that was one of your better ones."

And then Husband went back to applying The Boy's sunscreen.

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Thursday, June 21, 2012

Never smirk, even internally.

Karma's a b!tch.

Today at Vacation Bible School, some of the kids made door hangers. You know, those things you hang on the knob that say something like "Keep out!" on one side and "Come on in," on the other. I'm not sure what, if anything, the door hangers had to do with the lessons of the day, but no worries, it's a fun, innocent project, right?

Well, maybe.

The first door hanger thingo I saw belonged to the six-year-old daughter of a friend. On one side of the hanger, it said, "Cum in," and on the other side it said, "Do not cum in."

I laughed, but only on the inside. Her mom quite calmly complimented the child on her work and gently said, "By the way, come is spelled C-O-M-E." The daughter said, "OK. But I did it myself you know?" and her mom praised her efforts again. I was still smirking a bit, until my son came out with his door hanger.

Sigh.

The Boy flung his work of art at me and then went to wait for his friend. On one side, there was a bizarre drawing, which he later explained to be a scene from a Mario game involving a flag and various characters. It was the other side that got me. It said... get ready...

"Do not do it. I am on the toylit."

Honestly.

I said, "Boy! I can't imagine that your teacher liked this! What did she say?"

All smiles, clearly proud of his naughtiness, he said, "She said if it was bad she was going to throw it out and we would have to make a new one. She didn't throw it out, so I guess she thought it was OK!" He dashed off to resume waiting for his friend.

I'm so proud of his work.


Oh good, another chance to use this photo.

UPDATE: I asked his teacher and she said she did not, in fact, see his door hanger and approve it. Figures.

Clearly, I'm going to need to send this kid to college. I may need to take advantage of upromise online rewards to help make that happen. Plus I should also find Walmart coupons because I'm totally going to need a lot of help. Better start saving now. He really needs to learn how to spell "toilet," at the very least. 

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Hey, I'm not MADE of money

On Saturday, the kids and I went to the grocery store to pick up a few necessities for Easter. The Boy, who is 8, and The Girl, who is 5, reminded me that we needed to buy flowers for them to take to church to place on the cross. Every year, all the children who attend Sunday school bring different kinds of flowers and put them on the cross that is displayed outside of the church. It turns out to be a beautiful, wonderful smelling creation. It's really awesome.

So we went over to the fresh flowers section and the kids bantered about which bouquet to buy. We decided on one with a variety of colors of flowers so that each of them could choose their favorite. Except the bouquet cost $8 for a bunch of cheap, dyed flowers.

Me: Man, I'm going to have to pay $8 for you guys to each take ONE flower to church. Man.

Then I looked and saw some carnations.

Me: Hey, here are some carnations. They are only $4, and they are red. Everybody likes red.


Girl: Red's not really my favorite color any more.


Me: Yeah, well, it's a good color. Plus, these are only $4. We're getting these.


Boy: Really Mom? You're going with cheap for Easter? Really?


Me: 


Me: Yes, I am. And you don't need to be telling everybody.

They looked FINE on the cross. Still, I'm hoping Jesus doesn't ask for my receipt.
For what it's worth, there are FOUR of our carnations on this cross. Three of them are clumped together. Can you find them?

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Friday, March 16, 2012

Three is the new four

Payton, my recently injured Whippet, is learning to hobble around on three legs with her fourth dragging. The orthopedic surgeon had good things to say about Payton's chances for a partial, if not full, recovery, but it's going to take time. And that's TIME, as in months and months. And maybe some more months. For the next four weeks, we have to keep her quiet, and not allow her to jump off or on the furniture. That feat seems impossible for a dog that's one quarter paralyzed, but before the vet said to restrict her activities, she had already done this several times. So now my sofa has exercise pen "bed rails" and the Wonder Whippet gets lifted on and off when necessary. She thinks this whole arrangement is shitty. I agree.

I also appreciate the way it makes my family room more white trashy. It goes well with the fact that, due to our current house painting situation, all the stuff that belongs on my back porch is stacked in various places in our yard. It looks great next to the agility equipment. But I digress.

Since the original incident happened in the middle of the night, I had traveled to the emergency vet and back while my kids were still sleeping. When they got up, not very long after I fell back asleep, I told them what happened. The Boy had this to say, and he came up with it just about as quickly as it takes to read it:

Boy: Wow! Poor Payton! But really, there are good things and bad things about this.


Me: Really?


Boy: Yes. Because, you know, it's bad, but on the other hand, she won't be stealing our food for a while. And that's good.

And he's totally right. I can't tell you how fantastic it has been to not have to sequester every food item behind a closed door or jammed in the microwave. Since she's been disabled, my purse hasn't been ransacked, and all the cookies I baked are still in the cookie container on the counter. Does it make up for the difficulty of carrying her around and holding her up when she poops? I'm not sure. But I still have all my cookies.

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Although this catastrophic canine injury had the potential to be expensive, it's oddly been pretty affordable. This is good because of all the money we haven't got. I just recently heard about Mission Tuition, which is a way to save for your children's college education while purchasing stuff you would normally buy online. I was impressed to see that they have so many participating merchants, although I was kind of surprised to learn that people shop online at places like Home Depot. For me, Home Depot is a store that you go to when you've completely mucked something up and need to fix it RIGHT NOW. I guess other people actually plan home improvements and order supplies in advance. I wonder what that's like?

Anyway, you can save for college using Mission Tuition through a 529 plan, which I've read about and might kind of understand. If you have kids and your college tuition savings plan is, like mine, "You better get a scholarship," you might want to check this out.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I totally need to get one of these

Shouting Vase holds your anger


http://www.japantrendshop.com/shouting-vase-holds-your-anger-p-293.html

This weird contraption makes your shouts come out like whispers, reducing the volume of of everything you say. I totally need to get two of these for my kids. Think I could strap them on somehow? Their use will be mandatory, of course. Especially at 6am!


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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Watch out! Zebra Cat!

A rare Zebra Cat has taken The Girl's place at our house. I'm very afraid!
Yes, she wore the dress and leggings (which did not come together; they were a "lucky" match) to school. The mask stayed at home, unfortunately, but she topped it off with pink boots, so I think it was an overall win. Or something.


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Sunday, February 12, 2012

ADD much?

Today was really cold for central Floridians. It was maybe 40 degrees as The Boy, The Girl, and I trudged our way through our church parking lot. The Boy clutched his Bible, on loan from his Sunday School teacher, in his left hand.

The Boy: It's so cold! My hands are FREEZING!


The Girl: I know! My hands are cold too.


Me: Well, you can put your hands in your pockets. That'll help.

The Boy stuck his right hand in his pocket and then, inexplicably, let go of the Bible to jam his left hand into his other pocket.

Me: DUDE! 


The Boy [who was scooping the Bible off the asphalt about one second after it hit]: It's OK, it's OK!

He dusted it off.

The Boy: See? It's fine.


Me: DUDE! Did you forget you were holding that? [Starting to laugh.]


The Boy: [Laughing] Yeah, I guess I did!


Me: If that's not an example of an attention problem, I don't know what is!

Everybody laughed hard, and we forgot we were cold for a few minutes. Win for all!

No Bibles were harmed in the making of this blog post.


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Thursday, February 9, 2012

I should have named this blog "Crap My Kids Say"

Yesterday, I posted about a conversation with The Boy that left my head spinning. Today, it was The Girl, who is five, making me laugh. We went to visit the Jimmy B. Keel library and we stopped to look at a display of photos and other memorabilia on the wall.

Me: Oh look, honey! This is the man they named this library for.


The Girl: His name is Library???

I could hardly stop laughing to explain.


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Wednesday, February 8, 2012

There's something kind of right about this

Recently, The Boy, who is in second grade, was asked to write a story with a writing prompt that went something like this:

Sometimes people are sad. Write about a time when you felt sad.


And then we had this conversation:

Boy: I've never felt sad.

Me: What?

Boy: I've never felt sad.

Me: What about when the dogs died? I guess maybe you were to young to really remember that.

Boy: Yeah.

Me: Wait! What about when Mee-maw [his 91-year-old great grandmother] died?

Boy: That wasn't sad.

Me: What???

Boy: She was OLD. It's not sad when people die because they are old. It's sad when people die because of a DISEASE.

Me:

Me: Well, then you are going to have to make something up. That's what they want you to do on these writing prompts. If you haven't experienced what they are asking about, you have to make it up.

Boy: Fine. Then I'll write about how my grandmother died. She was eaten by a bear. AND she was only 50.

Me:

Me: I hope you can make that work.


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Monday, February 6, 2012

So cool


I drew this on the bag for my son's goldfish snacks and now he's going to be the envy of all the other second graders whose moms aren't nearly as cool as I am. Or something.

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Sunday, January 15, 2012

Someone should schedule these things better


Elmo and Ernie are causing a HUGE traffic jam. Why in the world would they work on the road during rush hour? Sheesh! And if you click on this picture and enlarge it, you can totally see Elmo going off about the whole thing. He's got quite the mouth on him, let me tell ya.



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Monday, January 2, 2012

It's M week

It's M week at my daughter's preschool and since I'm swamped with work I thought I'd let her assignment of the day (to draw her mom) be today's post. She got super detailed and required me to come over to her multiple times so that she could examine my rings and earrings.

The commentary is not included on the work she will turn in tomorrow!


I can totally understand the enlarged portions so I can deal with being portrayed as Dumbo in this drawing. But I'm very concerned about my nose. Also, where are my pants? I can assure you that I was not pantsless at the time of this portrait. I was also not nearly as awake as my wide eyes might suggest. I'm actually never that awake. Too bad. 


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Sunday, December 4, 2011

China China Bo Bina

The Boy has his first project to do for school. He has to pick a country and then research what people in that country do for Christmas or a similar holiday. Then he has to compare and contrast that country's Christmas customs with those in the United States. Several countries were listed on a "don't do" list because those countries are going to be studied in class.

Last week we had a lengthy discussion (read: argument) about why he couldn't choose the U.S. even though it wasn't on the "don't do" list. He was quite determined. Over the next few days I made some suggestions, including Australia and Canada, where I know a few people and could get information via email. He finally chose China and today we started researching it. After I put him in bed tonight, I asked him this question:

Me: How did you choose China?


The Boy [with a big smile]: I chose it because it sounds like angina. Chest pain.


[We both laughed.]


Me: How do you know what angina is?


The Boy: iCarly.


Me: Ah. 

I guess I should consider myself lucky that it's ANGINA that he's rhyming it with.

I'm sure he's going to get an A.


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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Help! I'm falling!


The Girl's miniature dollhouse lives on the edge of a "clifft" today. There are alligators in the water below. I suspect that lava will be involved soon. It's a dangerous world in my daughter's imagination. 

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Monday, November 28, 2011

Overheard at the elementary school

"Another day, another dollar."

The Boy, who is 8, talking to a friend on their first day back at school after a week-long break for Thanksgiving. 


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Saturday, November 26, 2011

Of fairies and teeth

How my eight-year-old son still believes in the Tooth Fairy, I don't know. I really hate lying to him, but he seems to like the whole thing so I kind of think he's subconsciously avoiding thinking too hard about it. I figured out all the whole Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy concept at age five, so I really have very few memories of what it's like to believe. I guess I have to stick with it until he starts asking questions.

Yesterday, he lost a tooth. As he climbed into his bed, which is completely littered with stuffed animals, he requested "a real pillow." He never sleeps with his head on much of anything, since he generally spends the night engaged in some battle behind his eyelids. He does have several Pillow Pets in his menagerie (one of whom starred in one of my very first blog entries). Husband said, "Why can't you sleep on your Pillow Pets?" The Boy replied, "Because the Tooth Fairy might not recognize it as a pillow and then she won't find my tooth."

What could Husband say to that? Not a damn thing, so he went and got a pillow. In the process, The Boy asked an interesting question:

Boy: What does the Tooth Fairy do with all these teeth anyway?


Husband: I don't know.


Boy: Well, I hope whatever she does do with them, she puts them to good use.

Later, I went to sneak in there to do the deed and The Boy was draped all over the pillow, making it entirely impossible extract the tooth. Husband came in to see him too and we managed to wake The Boy up in the process. We made up some lie and headed out. I had to go back in later to finish the deal. Sheesh.

Read about how my Thanksgiving ended. 

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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Let me go wash my hands again

My husband and two children are preparing some desserts for Thanksgiving. I think The Girl is pretending she's on Hell's Kitchen. She's referring to what station she's working on and she's calling Husband "Chef."


This conversation just happened.

Boy: May I help?

Husband: Sure, I'll find something for you to do. You can stir this.

Boy: I'll go wash my hands.

Husband: Good idea.

[The Boy hurries to the bathroom, washes his hands, returns, and stirs.]

Husband: Good job! OK, the next thing you can do is...

Boy: Wait a minute. I need to go wash my hands.

Husband: You don't have to wash your hands in between each step.

Boy: Well, I accidentally put my hand down my pants.

[Husband and I burst out laughing.]

Husband: Well, thank you for your honesty. I don't know how that accidentally happens. And I'm pretty sure that you've just given your mother a blog entry.


Happy Thanksgiving! 



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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Options

This morning's conversation with The Girl, who just turned five:

Girl: I'm still hungry, Mama.


Me: Well, what would you like to eat?


Girl: What are my options?

I didn't know whether to be impressed by her vocabulary or frightened for my future.

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