Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Here's why I can't operate my toaster

Toasters are certainly the dumbest of all kitchen appliances, and yet I'm routinely stumped by mine. After annihilating two pieces of toast this afternoon, I realized that, once again, I had graphics dyslexia and misread the stupid "this is how dark I want my toast" illustrations under the dial. What the hell is wrong with me? I decided to investigate this rare shortcoming of mine a little further.

This is the dial on my toaster:

For whatever reason, my whacked-out brain says that the all-white image of the toast is dark because it is colored in. Yes, I know, it's colored in WHITE, but my head says that's dark. I've decided I need a little memory device to help me get it right:


I guess as long as I remember that, I don't need to come up with anything cutesy that rhymes with "dark." But I'll try to keep this in mind:

Even if I get the symbols right, I have an additional problem. Sometimes I reverse the dial, pointing the larger section at the level of toastedness I desire. Yes, I realize that there is an arrow on the knob, and that I should point that arrow at what I want. But looking down at the toaster, with the glare... yeah, I know, it's a poor excuse. But nonetheless, I've wrecked perfectly good bread due to my inability to recognize a small, white triangle. 

I've decided that my inability to sort this out is a cute quirk, and a sign of my overwhelming genius in other, more important subjects. Perhaps I am some sort of savant in some other area of expertise that I have simply not yet discovered. Right?

21 comments:

  1. Wait, but if the white toast symbol means "less-toasted", then why are there bigger white circles leading towards the darker toast? They're contradicting their own symbolism! Or something. ;) --mrohr

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  2. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

    See, I knew there was some logical reason for my mistakes. :)

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  3. Pretty sure this was created by a panel in a foreign country that did not get the memo themselves on the darkness of said toast. Otherwise they would never have put the growing dark circles to mean less. It does not add up.

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  4. I'm so glad you people are here to make me feel better about myself! :)

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  5. Is it a Canon toaster? It is obviously related to my copier, which wastes paper instead of bread (but at least you can eat the bread).

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  6. HA! No. You know, it was actually recalled years ago because some of this particular brand of toaster caught fire when left plugged in for long periods of time. I decided to handle this not by returning it per manufacturer suggestion but by not leaving it plugged in anymore. So I had my chance to ditch it and I let it pass me by. So stupid.

    Sorry about your copier. I really couldn't even eat today's toast. Seriously.

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  7. Don't feel too bad about burning some toast. The last two times I have made toast I have ended up burning my fingers and/or hand. Having to explain the burns on your hands as "well, I was making toast and..." isn't all that fun. At least you can hide your mishaps in the trash :)

    Also, I totally agree, the symbols are all mixed up on your toaster. I would probably just set it in the middle and hope for the best.

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  8. When we lived in Germany, we bought stove knob protectors for child safety but didn't realize that the numbers went in reverse of our stove.

    Can't tell you how frustrating it was to try to boil water on low heat.

    I feel your frustration. :)

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  9. Kacy, ohhhhh, burns! That's terrible! That's right up there with having to explained how you burned your forehead with your curling iron. LOL! My tip is to UNPLUG THE TOASTER FIRST and then use a fork or knife to get that reluctant toast out.

    Onica, I can't even imagine how annoying that must have been. But at least you have a good excuse... who would expect the knob protectors to be reversed?

    Thanks, ladies, for the comments!

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  10. I was right there with you on the illustrations being jacked up...but you lost me at having problems with the arrow on the dial. LOL (marissa)

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  11. If you could only see it in person, Marissa. LOL!

    Thanks!

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  12. Burning toast is but a symptom of why the world needs good writers!

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  14. Ha! True!

    Thanks for stopping by, Anne. I'm honored!

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  15. I actually burnt two pieces of toast tonight. I'm not kidding. Husband said, "Are you going to blog about that?" And I said, "Yes, I am!" LOL!

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  16. I have the same problem when adjusting the temperature of the refrigerator at work - at the left end is a big snowflake and the right end is a small snowflake (clockwise). So ok, guess which one makes the temperature go LOWER? LoL! Times up! I honestly don't remember! Ha! I think I wrote it in sharpie on the actual inside of the frig so that if it ever goes out of range again I know which way to turn it! Stupid universal signs - equally understood by NOBODY!

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  17. Oh my gosh, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has these problems. I'd pay extra to just have the damn words written on there. Thanks for the comment!

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  19. The manufacturers of things like this just want us to set them on medium and then leave them alone. Why does a toaster even have a setting for white bread? Another way to get white bread is to not put it in the toaster. At all.

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