I’m starting this out labeling it as “conversations” (plural) and as “Part 1.” I’m doing so because even though I only have one conversation to report at this time, I have absolutely no doubt that I’ll have another one in the very near future. So, enjoy, my first (reported) idiotic conversation:
After spending about two hours chasing down insurance information in an attempt to be less surprised by our upcoming medical bills, I had to call (for the third time) the insurance company to confirm that our hospital was on the list of providers. The company encourages that you use the website for this purpose (of course -- what company wants to pay someone to actually talk to customers?) but the website had launched me into some kind of circular hell where it kept bringing me back to the search page empty-handed (it turns out that Blue Cross Blue Shield isn’t a fan of Google Chrome, apparently).
Me: I need to confirm that All Children’s Hospital is on our list of in-network providers.
Customer Service Rep: All Children’s Hospital?
CSR: How far is that from your house?
Me: I don’t know. It’s in St. Petersburg, does that help?
CSR: Hmm. I guess I can make that work. Let me type it into the website.
Me: You have to use the website? You don’t have, you know, a list?
CSR: Nope. The website.
CSR: Hmm. That’s not coming up.
Me: Really? I’m surprised. It’s such a big group.
CSR: All Children’s Hospital, right?
CSR: Hmm. Nope.
CSR: Wait. Is that a CHILDREN’S hospital?
CSR: Oh! Here it is. Yes, they are on the list.
Me: OK, thank you very much for your time.
I’m not sure what kind of hospital she thought it was at first. Its name is so vague I guess I can understand how she might be confused. Because clearly All CHILDREN’S Hospital might treat veterans, or seniors, or maybe only redheads. And then, of course, it wouldn’t be in network. Those redheads don’t deserve medical care anyway. *
* No offense to actual redheads is intended. Next time I’ll target people with freckles or something. Although that’ll probably include redheads too.