Maid you look!

Damn right I'm unhappy with my maid service! Those people do a piss poor job of cleaning this house. The woodwork is atrociously dirty, the floors seem to always need mopping, and have you seen the master bedroom? It's dust-city. Honestly, those people ought to be fired because...

Oh wait.

I don't HAVE a maid service. Guess I had better enter their free housecleaning drawing, eh?

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A talent nobody really wants

Girl: Mom! Mom! I am SOOOOO talented!

Me: Oh yeah? Why is that?

Girl: I just peed like a boy!

Me: What?

Girl: I just peed like a boy! I put the toilet seat up and walked up to it and leaned like this [she demonstrates] and I peed standing up!

Me: Wow. You probably shouldn't try that again.

Previous post: I really need to put a hamper in the bathroom

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I really need to put a hamper in the bathroom

Recently, The Girl went streaking through the house, naked, to put her clothes in the laundry room before her bath. As she ran by, The Boy said, "Heh heh heh. I see your balls."

Me: What?

Boy: I see her balls.

Me: What do you think "balls" are?

Boy: Uh... Her butt cheeks?

Me: No. Balls are testicles. They are part of a boy's privates. She doesn't have any balls.

Boy: Oh.

Girl: HA! Balls, balls, balls! He has BALLS!

Me: Please don't repeat that at preschool.

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Honey, I shrunk my notepad!

I had hoped to steal borrow a hotel notepad to use while interviewing people at a dog event I'm covering. No, the pen in that photo is not super-sized. I included it for scale so that you can see what I'm working with here.  It's a post-it note sans the sticky. 

Expect really, really short interviews from this show.

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