No stink is good stink

Last night I spent a half an hour completing the paperwork required for my appointment today with a urogynecologist, a specialty that I didn't even know existed a few months ago. Ignorance is bliss. Anyway, the survey included many questions that made me think.  This is one of them:

"Do you usually lose gas from the rectum beyond your control? If so, how much does this bother you?"*

After reading this, I realize that I've been doing this fart thing all wrong. I'm supposed to have complete control over this? I had no idea that others could hold gas in indefinitely and expel it only when desired. (Is it ever desired?) If that's the case, then hell yeah, it bothers me! I too want supreme gas control! It also upsets me that the rest of the world apparently can retain their gas AND YET THEY CHOOSE NOT TO DO SO, soiling my nostrils with their stench on elevators, in crowded hallways, and so on. HOW RUDE!

I'm going to need to discuss this with Husband right away. Because clearly he's been lying to me with his "I can't help it!" stories. My whole marriage has been built on lies. LIES!

I wonder if there is a medication for this? I'm going to get some right away, and share it with my loved ones. Because no stink is good stink.

Read more about horrid urological things here and here.

*Yes, I realize what they really meant by this question. But that's no fun.

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